Holiday Wrapup

Round number God only knows what to keep a journal of what happens in my life from day to day so that I can one day when I am older look back on it and remember.  I will fail early on I am sure, I made it through 2 days last year, but who knows maybe this year will be a little different.  This year is already off to a weird start, we won't be having the typical New Year's meal of meat pies and black eye peas.  I can remember having that for a lunch on January 1st for as long as I can remember, but Grandma didn't feel up to it or something.  I think age is really starting to catch up with her and the amount of work that she does for the holidays.

As discussed many a time in 2022, I wanted to propose to Amber as is the typical tradition and I wanted to come out to my family or at least my mother in the new year as not to screw up the holidays.  I went to lunch and with the encouragement of Amber to "rip off the band aide" planned to come out to my mother who was going to be the hardest one of all to say this too.   I made it through most of the lunch fine, debating doing it there in the restaurant or out in the parking lot so she could leave it all went south.  I hadn't really realized how much it weighed on me until I noticed how tight my chest was and I am a usually really easy going and chill type person.  I paid for the meal and headed to the car, somewhere in the back of my mind thinking this might be the last time I speak to my mother for months if not years to come.  I stood at the passenger window and took a deep breath and asked her to listen to what I had to say and leave her comments for the end because I wanted to get it all out before she said anything.  Another deep breath and I knew at this point because of what I had just said that I couldn't really take anything back or escape now, it was time to rip off the band aide and get it out.

"I want to start this year off with honesty and so it is why I need to let you know this no matter what it does to our relationship. I have known this since middle school, right around 7th grade that well I am gay, that I prefer women and have no interest in men."

I paused and waited for her response and was actually genuinely surprised when she more or less shrugged and replied she kind of figured as much.  I can't really recall if I was more dumbstruck or just relieved that she didn't go the ultra religious disowning me route.  From there it was rather smooth sailing, adding that I would be probably be getting married later that year in June to Amber, explaining that while Amber was not homosexual herself but asexual and had chosen me for her lifetime partner.  There was a few more words spoken and a hug before she left to go to the movies and I headed home less panicked because my mother didn't hate me and immediately disown me.